Family First I

Everyone’s connected to a family. Most of the time we’re just born into them, without much say so regarding the circumstances. “You can pick your friends but not your relatives.” We’ve all heard that one. I know some of my cousins probably feel that way about me. We don’t have much input in the selection of our relatives.

The way family groups are made up can be as different as the individuals in them. There are, and always have been, all kinds of configurations of adults and children living together. The most important thing about families, however, is not their structure but their purpose. The primary reason families exist is to provide for the needs and well being of those in the group. Providing love and nurture, good health and positive growth, giving emotional and spiritual support for the members of the group, particularly the children, are the reason humans live in families.

Families are different, but they all have some things in common. One thing common to all families, no matter what the structure, is the enormous influence they have on who we are and how children develop into adults. Who one becomes as an adult is in large part under the influence of the family members, adults and siblings, he or she grows up with. “The nut doesn’t fall far from the tree”… “Your daddy won’t be dead until you are”… “You’re the spittin’ image of your daddy”…these old sayings are used to describe our resemblance in both appearance and behavior to our parents.

Our physical characteristics, of course, are a result of the genes we inherit from our parents. Both the genes we inherit from our parents and the experiences we have when we are young, however, determine our behavior and personality characteristics. It’s the old nature vs. nurture controversy. Which has the biggest influence on our attitudes and behavior, the genes we inherit or environment we grow up in? No matter which side of the aisle you line up on, the family is right in the middle because in most cases it’s responsible for both the characteristics you inherit and those you learn. We are products of the genes we inherit from our parents, and the experiences we have with our parents and our siblings as we are growing up.

That is why it is so important for parents to provide experiences for their children that will broaden their minds. These experiences don’t have to be expensive vacations but simple and inexpensive activities right here at home. The first and most important activity is to talk to and with your child at every opportunity. Take them with you whenever possible and interact with them constantly, particularly in their first three years of life. Take them to the park, the library, the grocery store, church, wherever you can, talking constantly with them about the things they are seeing around them. Play with them using their toys or what ever is available to encourage interaction. And of course, read to them and with them at every opportunity.

You inherited red hair from your mother, your musical ability from your father. You learned to love the outdoors because your dad took you hunting as a child, and you love animals because your mom always had a soft spot in her heart for strays and took them in as part of the family. These are examples of the influences of nature and nurture. We can’t control the genes our children inherit but we can do something about the things they learn, through the experiences we provide them.

Proverbs 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it”. Being a parent is a miraculous blessing and an awesome responsibility. We can all do better and we will if we remember to always put “family first”.

January 2008